I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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