He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
