dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
