I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
