..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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