i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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