Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
