$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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