my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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