My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
