Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
