You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
