Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
