My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
