well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
