You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
