yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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