Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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