I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
