I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
