Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
