DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
