YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
