last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
