i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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