When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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