Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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