you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
