i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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