No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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