I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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