im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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