that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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