hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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