Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
