Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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