You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
