Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
