he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
