you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The struggles of a small town man whore
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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