idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
