considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
