im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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