what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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