i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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