i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
