I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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