Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
