omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
