The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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