So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
