I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
