You can't special order awesome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
