I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
