I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
