Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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