Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
