You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
