24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We smell like vodka and hangover
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