We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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