i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is Oprah even human
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
