90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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