im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
