I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
