Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
