Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
